september 21st
BIRTHDAY SELF-PORTRAITS
(sorry I am a day late!)
What I am Working on
Especially the few weeks after my show, I experienced some intense boredom and general doubt from the vulnerability hangover.
I’ve been drawing and loosely painting with low intensity. Simply allowing my wrist and hand to make motion without attaching meaning immediately. Of course, I do find meaning in these pieces. But my mind has needed a break from thinking so hard, and I believe that is okay.
On my birthday, I was in the midst of all of that doubt. I decided to paint on myself since everything I put on canvas or paper seemed to frustrate me, and I hate working from a place of annoyance/frustration.
By painting my face/chest It allowed me a freedom of an end piece. It was temporary. To be washed off. I wanted to document it for the memory of it all. Later that week, I decided to draw in the sand from the same mindset. Let it be temporary: when I’m stuck, I need to play.
BLUE IS THE COLOR I ASSOCIATE WITH MY BIRTHDAY / MY BIRTH
what i’ve been doing
AUGUST 26TH - Havner’s Frame Shop allowed me to host a workshop in the gallery where all my work is hung for the month. (By now, it is taken down, of course). It was “Paint Your Own Thin Place” along with the theme of my show, Thin Places.
SEPTEMBER 1ST - I popped up at my first Art Walk that the Jackson Arts Council has been hosting. I sold small stained glass pieces, like the one on the far left. You all sold me out!! I was so surprised and happy. I’ll be working on more pieces for the next Art Walk, and hopefully build enough to have an online sale too.
non- art wise
of course, it all comes back to art, and my art flows out from all areas of my life but a few other updates: I was in a car wreck, I said bye to my best friend going to a different state, I’m trying to pack up my house to move in a month or two back to Jackson, and a few other personal changes I won’t name. This month has honestly been really hard. Starting work (outside of the studio) again. 40 hours of training a week, on my feet. I’m trying to be gentle with myself even when THE WORLD ISN’T.
what’s coming up
OCTOBER 6TH - October’s Art Walk where I will pop up to sell more stained glass pieces. The prices rang from $20-40.
DO YOUR 20’S SUCK?
Turning 25: ah. closer to thirty than I am twenty. I should feel some relief, right? feelings don’t care about “should”s and “shouldn’t”s. You’re told so many narratives all throughout your twenties, and I’m assuming for the rest of your life, too. People either tell me “These are the best years of your life!!!” or “Oof, your twenties? Don’t worry, it’ll be better in your thirties. Your twenties suck.”
It says a lot about the person that is doing the speaking.
It is possible that your twenties sucked and things got better in your thirties. It’s possible your twenties were the best years of your life. Even if one of these experiences was universal, it isn’t helpful to hear, though mostly well-meaning. No high schooler wants to hear how much high school sucks. There are other ways of practicing empathy.
It seems like most people’s twenties involved massive amounts of change and growth. And yes, days/ weeks/ months/ maybe whole years can “suck”, as they say. But I don’t want to hold out for a magical day in the future where suddenly things get “better”. Maybe we just learned not to care what others think, we learned to validate ourselves, we opened up or loosened up.
I am willing to accept I am naive in many areas.
Having intergenerational friendships is so meaningful and is part of what sparks my reflections on age. I’m thankful for the people in my life who hold me exactly where I am. I love having best friends in their sixties and best friends who are nine. It’s one way I feel connected to my own life stage. I’m not waiting ten more years to believe in myself: I can do that now.
september muses
THIS BOOK by Cherrie Moraga. Honest, loving, and challenging.
The discovery of the artist Kheng Lim
Marlee Grace inspires every freaking day but this was from their last newsletter, Monday Monday, on being paid for their writing/art which I’m trying to figure out where I stand
“I don’t know that I agree with the idea to keep your best writing free. Or that I necessarily even mean to save my best writing for behind the paywall as much as I put my most vulnerable writing behind the paywall, which perhaps is a sign that when you shed your skin in front of other people that makes for good writing.
I think that the rise of the “content creator” as a business model bled into the lives of artists and writers in a way that hasn’t suited us on our quest to earn money for our work. If a friend had a show of her paintings she would never pick the best one and say - this one is for free but all the other ones cost money. Of course a painting is a one of a kind piece and not a replicable digital copy of writing so the comparison may be void before it hits this page. But I do see us undervaluing our work when we could be adding value to it. Don’t be afraid to turn on paid subscriptions. Give it a try. Throw some things at the wall and see what sticks.”
ok so I’ve been reading a lot this month. I also deleted social media for the next few weeks and I hope to fill it with reading. I enjoy reading books that I don’t have to agree with everything but still learn rich, rich lessons. This book is just that for me. Carpenter writes from a nihilistic perspective, which at the moment I do not lean towards, but he is so thorough and thoughtful and I’ve enjoyed learning from him.
Local theatre!!!! Always, always, always. Very grateful to my old friend Patrick who gifted me a ticket to Matilda the musical.
Friends who send me their babies / children with my pieces. This friend said her baby loves to look and crawl around my piece.
L to R: Lisa Sorgini’s photograph of painting a pregnant belly, Emmy Sue and I playing with playdoh and drawing, a kid from nursery who colored Jesus with “magic coming from his hands”. I asked her if magic was orange. She said, “mostly orange, but sometimes purple.”
matcha!! that’s all. I want matcha all the time.