December 22nd
tw: two pictures containing a shotgun
December has been slow but fruitful…
I spent quite a bit of time preparing for my performance which was based off of a dream I had in the spring of an active shooter in an art gallery. I mourned the canvases after I shot them. Here’s what I wrote in my post about it:
“I learned how to shoot a gun which I never wanted to do. I shot my paintings because I saw it in a dream. Then I mourned my (de)creations by holding them, caressing them, and letting my body take the lead on what felt true.
I had a dream months ago in the spring and this performance has burned in my mind since then.
(The dream): The shooter came into an art gallery and shot every painting, then left. The guards closed the museum and hundreds of mothers gathered around and held each roll of canvas like it was their own child. Against my own expectations, the vision grew and grew with every senseless shooting I read about.
I have many questions for myself. Maybe I will be able to answer them one day. In the meantime, I am trusting the creative process will reveal them when it’s meant to.
(Thank you to @hannahmgore for photographing and understanding my vision. Thank you to Jacob for believing in me, trusting me, and teaching me.)”
December Muses - I thought I’d switch it up by starting what I’m ingesting this month.
Eyes of the Rainbow: documentary about Assata Shakur’s revolutionary life and escape from prison. One of my favorite parts is when she is asked on having children, and she reflects on how her grandparents and great grandparents kept on having children while in slavery, and continuing their lineage was a rebellion in and of itself. That is how she decided that she wanted to have a kid.
The Two Headed Calf poem by Laura Gilpin
Tomorrow when the farm boys find this
freak of nature, they will wrap his body
in newspaper and carry him to the museum.
But tonight he is alive and in the north
field with his mother. It is a perfect
summer evening: the moon rising over
the orchard, the wind in the grass. And
as he stares into the sky, there are
twice as many stars as usual.
Snow Drawings by Sonja Hinrichsen
if you google these, there are pages and pages of mesmerizing spirals and images of this meditative art form. Some get incredibly intricate.
German Christmas carousel at my parent’s house. When the candles are lit, the smoke rises and spins the wheel. It always makes me smile in the winter.
Death (death?? as inspiration?)
Inspiration can come from anywhere and may not lead to comfortable feelings. The typical context for inspiration is positive and if someone says you’ve inspired them, that’s a compliment. There’s a deeper inspiration that can come from experience: what we label as “good” or “bad". I believe another way of framing inspiration is what is affecting us, what are we choosing to dwell on? I’ve been captivated by the idea and occupation of death doulas for awhile now and how different cultures perceive death.
Medieval art … enough said, right? I just take in the symbols, the layers of meaning, and while watching a video with my friend I shouted, “Her pussy is a moon!!” What could be more magical than that.
What I Am Working On
I mentioned last month that winter is a great time to explore what I call “slow arts”. For me it is spinning and stained glass mainly. “Slow” to me is relative to my painting process. Even if it takes me a month to finish a painting, I immediately see the strokes I make and leave each time with a changed piece. Stained glass has taught me so much patience even when I can’t “see” my finished result yet. The symbology of the wheel is not lost on me in a time of much grieving, as I slowly spin and gather materials.
I’ve also found that moving into my apartment and the first time living alone is an art in itself, and slow at that.
What I’ve Been Doing
I hosted my first annual Pay What You Can sale and ended feeling so encouraged and glad that I could give back to my community in some way. I have so many thoughts on making money as an artist, and of course I want artists to be paid, but this was something that felt important for me to do.
I was asked to be one of several artists to be present for the local cancer center’s 10 year anniversary. We were offering portraits of the chemo patients or drawings of something else of their choice. I had the honor of meeting and drawing three kind souls. This was photographed with her permission to share. Based on our conversations and where she had lived (country in West Africa), I drew her on a colorful throne with a table of mangoes.
One thing I was reminded of is the power of showing up. I am no professional portrait artist and I led with this. I compared myself to other artists there in my mind. But each person I drew, and even some people who declined, reminded me to just show up anyway. After drawing my first patient, my kindred spirit, I felt it had been wrong of me to focus on myself and my abilities. This was not about me, it was about the people I was drawing.
What’s Coming Up
DECEMBER PAINTING
I have so much in store for 2024! The rest of December will be writing cards to loved ones, traveling a bit to see family, and finishing my December painting.
I’ll keep you all in the loop for what will happen next year!!!